Self Inflicted Blindness

the beggar on the street. His chattering from the cold rustled his blanket made of plastic bags violently.

Sometimes I don't know what to think of poverty in Chinese cities. It is (or was) true that a lot of the beggars are actually richer than some people that actually work- they make more money begging than others who actually have jobs. I've seen some of the beggars get huge bills and then put them in a special pocket away from their main begging bowl so that they can hide the big bills and receive more pity from people (who would want to give to somebody who already has bills overflowing in his begging cup?)

But sometimes I wonder how far the show can go. They do a pretty good job at breaking my heart. But then I am forced to keep walking.

I try to never look them in the eye. And in doing that, I make them less human. I successfully dehumanize each time I walk by a beggar... the one shivering in plastic bags, the one with no legs, the blind one, the shivering mother with her child in her lap as she desperately bows her head to each passerby.

I was complaining earlier that in Beijing I hardly see any beggars. Perhaps I am no different from the government- even if they didn't hide the beggars, I would hide from them in my mind and consciousness... more than consciousness... my conscience?

But are they just using my conscience to make money? Should I really care if they are just trying to make money off of me?